Eighteen

1979- Untitled (Testimonies)

"Of all the mysteries posed by AIDS, perhaps the deepest and most damaging is this:
why have we failed so utterly to prevent it's transmission?"
-New York Times November 17, 2009

Because the needle the dealer gave me wasn't clean.
Because I only ever had sex with two partners and the second one was infected.
Because my second husband told me his wife had died of it, but I didn't understand what that meant.
Because I was born this way.
Because I couldn't ask my husband if he'd been faithful. He paid for everything.

Because the prostitute didn't have a condom.
Because they pay more for sex without a condom and I need the money.
Because the condom broke.
Because sex doesn't feel the same with condoms.
Because I forgot, once.

Because back in the day, they didn't test the blood supply.
Because I was afraid to get tested, because if it came back positive that meant it was it, it's over.
Because she never told me.
Because I thought you could tell who was sick by looking at them, and he had a six-pack.
Because I thought you couldn't get it from oral.

Because I thought lesbians didn't get it.
Because I thought people my age didn't get it.
Because I thought married people didn't get it.
Because I thought I wouldn't get it.